## I. A STORY. MANY LIVES When listening to stories as intense as the case narrated here, reflection arises on how many lives are affected by family disruption. Visiting the city of Petrópolis, in Rio de Janeiro, on a pleasant autumn afternoon, in a small house, which dates from the beginning of the 19th century, embraced by a beautiful colonial balcony decorated with ivy and hibiscus, we spoke with Mr. Pedro, who narrated the story of his family. The faint sun and the gentle wind of the season lulled the prose flavored by coffee and cake with the taste of childhood. The intention of the conversation was to collect information to write a reflection on the emotional consequences in dysfunctional families, but it had been beyond that, the conversation also functioned as a kind of catharsis between the interlocutors. Pedro started talking about his mother, Maria. He described her as a woman with beautiful green eyes, shy, very kind and loving, who liked reading, apart from not being encouraged to study, neither by her father nor by her husband, like most women at the beginning of the 20th century. The conversation was interrupted by Pedro's tears, by his voice choked by crying, and until this advanced age he is unable to talk about his mother without becoming emotional. At this point, it appears that the emotional damage caused by a dysfunctional family during childhood and adolescence causes wounds to the soul and, no matter the age of the individual, will always cause pain. After the pause, Pedro continued his story. Opposite to Maria's personality, her father, honest and hard-working, had a free and reckless spirit, prioritized the fulfillment of his desires, regardless of who he could reach. He had a bad habit of running away from situations that displeased his family, being described by Pedro as a "cowardly guy". Maria met José, Mr. Pedro's father, as a child. The families were neighbors and the two grew up together, in the company of many other children in the neighborhood. Maria's childhood was happy until the premature death of her mother, when she was forced to live with the apathy of her father, who was more interested in looking for women and drinking than giving love to his two daughters. Maria had a sister, Olga. Maria's father did not devote the necessary attention to his daughters and the objective was to marry them as soon as possible, however, he died before fulfilling his wish. José, the son of European immigrants, grew up under the austerity of his parents, who demanded exemplary conduct from their three children. It was the typical model of a traditional European family at the time, however, José lived his childhood with the freedom allowed to children born in the first decades of the 20th century. Jose asked Maria to be his girlfriend, when they were both seventeen and twenty years old respectively. Jose, at that time, was already pursuing a military career. With his sweet words and promises of eternal love, even if only to deceive and conquer Mary's chastity, Jose managed to capture the girl's passion. After the death of her father, Maria felt alone, finding José her only support. It is worth remembering that, in the first half of the 20th century, it was still customary for girls to be destined for marriage and not to seek personal and financial independence. Thus, Mary became pregnant with Joseph. Jose's parents, conservative, did not tolerate the reckless attitudes of their son, the second of three brothers, and the only one to cause dissatisfaction. Jose was reprimanded whenever he took any action contrary to the education and ethics taught by his parents and, with Maria's pregnancy, this was no different. After being harshly reprimanded by his parents and brothers, José requested a transfer of work and moved with Maria to a small town in the countyside, where they got married away from their families. In the middle of the Second World War, José was called to the front, being transferred to the Brazilian coast to embark to Europe. However, due to Maria's advanced pregnancy, José was able to remain in Brazil, where the first of the couple's three children, Pedro, was born. Maria, always loved José, dedicated herself to housework, like most women of her time. José fulfilled his role as provider, but without dedicating the affection that a family deserves to receive from its father. It is worth noting that at the beginning of the 20th century it was normal for parents not to show affection and love for their children, just as families, in most cases, were not formed based on love, but for several other reasons. Jose, despite of being an honest man, family father and provider, was unfaithful to Maria, who had no other choice but to accept, pretend that she didn't see, that she didn't know, because, like many women of the time, her job was to care. home, but privately I felt a lot of sadness. Maria dedicated all her love and care to her children. Pedro says that he remembered his mother's affection, how she combed her hair, all the attention to them, respect and affection she gave to her three children and her husband. The life of Pedro and his brothers was structured between his mother's love and his father's apathy for the family. When Pedro was fifteen, Maria faced a difficult situation with Olga, her sister, married to Luiz. Olga and Luiz discovered that their daughter, Ana, their sixteen years old, started sexual relation with a boyfriend. "She lost her honor", according to the customs of the time, and they kicked her out of the house. Maria, shaken by the situation and out of compassion, took her niece into her home and looked after her with the same love with which she looked after her three children. Maria and her family's adversities began the moment she welcomed Ana, so that a sixteen-year-old girl would not be left destitute. During her stay at her aunt's house, Ana began to have a secret relationship with Pedro. They were two teenagers, then sixteen and fifteen years old, cousins, living in the same house and according to the morality of the time, this relationship was not allowed. Ana's stance was not accepted by society nor by her families, that's why her parents kicked her out of the house. While secretly having a relationship with Pedro, Ana also began to have a relationship with her uncle, José, her aunt's husband. The relationship was discovered, causing indignation, disappointment, sadness and many negative emotions, going beyond what Maria and her children could bear. The relationship between the uncle and niece, within their own home, also caused outrage among other family members, grandparents, uncles and cousins, who condemned José and Ana's attitude. Maria endured Jose's indifference and infidelity for many years, but her niece's betrayal of her husband was more than she could tolerate and accept. Disappointment took over Maria, who felt into a deep depression, locked in her room for several days, until she became ill and bedridden. Her children only saw doctors and family members coming and going from their mother's room, with their aunts taking turns at her bedside. Pedro felt anger, fear and sadness for his beloved mother. Out of so much sadness, Maria passed away in her room. She was defeated by depression, by witnessing the man she loved since she was a teenager, with whom she formed a family, cheat on her with her own niece, whom she took in out of compassion. In the midst of this scenario, José got Ana pregnant. Or was it Pedro? Maria died from giving in to the pain of her broken heart. Currently, science proves the existence of Broken Heart Syndrome or Takotsubo Heart Disease, a psychological disease that directly affects the heart muscle. It presents symptoms similar to those of acute myocardial infarction, with chest pain, shortness of breath, tiredness. It is caused by episodes of great emotional stress caused by pain, loss and suffering. Although rare, deaths due to broken heart syndrome are possible, with individuals suffering from asthma, depression and anxiety forming part of the risk group (BVS, Brazil, 2006). In Maria's case, the severe depression caused by family betrayal caused other illnesses, such as pain in the heart, head and pneumonia resulting from a long period of not getting out of bed, determined to be the cause of death. With the death of Maria, the pregnancy and marriage with Ana, the reprimand of his family, with his brothers claiming custody of his children, José did what he always did when he was criticized: he requested another transfer of workplace to escape the problems. caused by your unreflective choices. José did not think about his children when, immediately after his wife's death, he married the woman who directly motivated this death, taking his children away from family members who wanted to support them. Pedro's feeling regarding his new and sudden family formation was, and still is, one of great revolt, with a hurt so deep that it is impossible to abandon when he talks about his father. In the new residence, Pedro and Ana were constantly fighting and José, with the intention of resolving the family problem, kikicked his son of the house. At seventeen, Pedro was on the street, alone, helpless, far from his grandparents and uncles, in the same situation that Ana was in when she was welcomed into her home by her mother. The situation had reversed. At that moment, it was Pedro who was going through na abandonment situation, without any demonstration of affection and understanding for his father, in the same circumstances that awakened his mother's compassion for Ana and that led to the breakdown of their family. Pedro says that he was a tall, very thin boy, who did not, and still does not, let his sadness show to other people, beyond his family circle. And he teaches: "don't hold back your feelings. This is very harmful." When he was expelled by his father, he was welcomed by the family of some friends from his school, whom he loved like his real family. To whom we are grateful from the bottom of our hearts. This family gave Pedro the love and affection of his mother, who he lost so early, and his father, who he never had. It was the inlaw family that Pedro loved more than his blood family. Pedro loved his paternal grandmother, from whom his father took him away. He did not know his maternal grandmother. Pedro interrupted his studies and got a job in a store that sold furniture and mattresses. His slight physique did not prevent him from carrying heavy objects on his shoulders, driven by his enormous willpower to succeed without depending on his father. Little by little, his brothers also left their paternal home and went to live with Pedro, in his welcoming family's home. Pedro then rented a house to live with his brothers, taking care of everyone's support. José did not help his children from his first marriage, only worrying about his new wife, who already had two daughters. José dedicated unconditional love to his children from his second marriage, while his children from his first marriage, still teenagers, struggled to survive. Despite his captivating and extroverted personality, Pedro did not open his heart, he did not open up to anyone about his fears, hurts and sadness that he carries to this day. Episodes of enormous emotional stress over a long period, assuming closed behavior, led to severe, chronic depression, with serious heart problems and two heart surgeries. Pedro has coronary disease, recent studies of which prove that "the relationship between psychological factors and physiological phenomena, with neurochemical, neuroendocrine and neuroanatomical changes that increase vulnerability to cardiovascular disease" (Soares, Costa and Mesquita, 2006). Pedro got married and is happy with his wife and five children, but he cannot get rid of the feeling of anger towards his father and longing for his mother. Furthermore, to this day Pedro does not know whether he is the brother or father of his father's eldest daughter, but prefers to remain in doubt. ## II. DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES: PROVISIONS For many years, only families formed through marriage, with legitimate children, that is, those born in marriage, based on religious dictates, were legally and socially recognized. Over time, this model changed and the modern family is no longer based on previously established patriarchal rules, with other forms of family constitution being recognized, such as stable, same-sex and single-parent unions. Family groups made up of other members, such as grandparents and uncles, are also recognized as family. These different types of families derive from the most important elements in family relationships: love and affection. In this sense, the modern family is based on respect, care, cooperation, attention, love, between its members (Simões, IBDFAM, 2007). The family is no longer a fixed group, but rather a gathering of people linked by ties of consanguinity or affinity, with common objectives and aimed at developing "good living". Every individual seeks to live well and be happy, regardless of the means used to achieve these ends. According to Ricoeur, good living is the "ethical aim (...) the aim of a good life with and for others in fair institutions" (Ricoeur, 2014). From this perspective, the "good life" aims to seek happiness, which, within a family, must involve all members, so that it is a fair institution for everyone, including reason, in accordance with the Hypothetical Imperative of Kant: The advice of prudence, on the contrary, concerns an end that, in general, we all have as a matter of natural necessity: happiness. A person is prudent to the extent that they know how to rationally pursue their own happiness (Kant. Galvão. 2011). It should be noted that the element "love" is the most important for the formation of a family, regardless of whether it is made up of blood or affinity members. Consaguinity is not an essential component for the formation of a family group, since the union of individuals united by affinity can contain more love than between those who have blood ties. A dysfunctional family is one in which its members do not collaborate so that the family environment is beneficial to all members. The result is the fragility of relationships, shaken by conflicts, which impact the youngest members, children and adolescents, causing lifelong physical and psychological illnesses. Conflicts arise from ethical violations, impacted in everyday life, that is, from the confrontation between ethical principles and the facts of life. The case chosen for this reflection contains all the significant elements to support the analysis of the emotional and physical consequences caused by dysfunctional families. This case demonstrates that irrational attitudes in dysfunctional families cause physical and emotional consequences that can last a lifetime. The report is about the family history of an elderly man, aged 82, who still suffers from the emotional problems generated by his parents during his childhood and adolescence. The names used in this article are fictitious. In search of good for himself, for his individual happiness, this father renounced his already established family in favor of another to be established. At the time under study, the first half of the 20th century, there was no divorce institute in Brazil, which currently does not prevent the formation of another family. A very relevant factor in family environments is the responsibility towards children, it requires a lot of dedication, even if it is not expressed through kisses and hugs, but it exists in a constant and decisive way, especially when there are children from pre existing relationships. However, the issue debated here is the pursuit of happiness with respect and mutual love between members of a family group. With or without divorce, parental attitudes must follow ethical standards, as whoever is responsible for the group must take care of all its components. According to Oltramari and Razera (2013), in patriarchal families the act of loving and caring for children was seen as an unnecessary burden and not as an emotional relationship: In patriarchal families, with paternal and maternal functions extremely divided, living under the veil of prejudice and lack of love, addressing the issue of care, requesting that it be taken as a fundamental element for the family's well-being was something unthinkable. Years later, with the improvement of laws, care begins a slow but effective process of insertion into the family sphere. From then on, combined with affection, the act of caring becomes important for its members, as a guarantee of healthy development, helping to decorate this new home, this new being. (Oltramari and Razera, p. 63, 2013) Family relationships directly interfere with the mental and physical health of its members, especially children and adolescents, which is why the element of "love" is fundamental to emotional development from childhood. Emotional imbalance must be studied as a risk factor for the development of chronic, physical and mental illnesses, such as asthma, depression and chemical dependency, which will last for life. In the case presented, the children still live with psychological problems, anxiety and depression, and physical ones, such as heart disease presented in adolescence, despite being already advanced in age. The story of this family glimpses an emotional pattern, in which a woman Maria, who was raised in a family with a dysfunctional father, married a dysfunctional husband, who created a dysfunctional family, with infinite consequences. It is unquestionable that love generates love. If parents receive love as children, they will transmit love to their children, who will transmit it to their grandchildren and, thus, love multiplies. But if there is no love, there is nothing to multiply.

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